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There have been days in recent times, more days than ever before in fact, when I have asked myself, “How the heck did I get here? Where did 60 years go?” One minute I was taking my kids to kindergarten and the next I am getting letters from Social Security telling me to start thinking about Medicare.
Medicare? I still have 5 years before that! But you get the idea.
So how do I feel? If you had asked me that 10 years ago, I might have said, “Ugh! Let's not talk about it.” I was devastated by my 50th birthday. I felt invisible and insignificant at that time. But, so many things have happened in the past 10 years: Some of the highest highs: Going to Scotland, taking up art-something I never imagined, learning photography, getting published, meeting celebrities. And then the lows: Friends and loved ones who didn't make it, a ruptured appendix that should have killed me, my daughter's cancer (she is now a survivor), the failing health of elderly parents, the list goes on and on. It is the kind of stuff that makes you want to hide under the covers and never come out.
Yet, when I think about it all, it only makes me realize that no one gets by unscathed. Life can hard, full of trials and at times, downright cruel. But then there are the good times, the crests of the waves that you ride for as long as you can before they come crashing down. Life is constantly moving forward, one wave after the other, the tides going in and out, constantly changing, sometimes so quietly that you don't even realize you've evolved or moved on until you reflect back, sometimes so quickly you feel you will snap in two from the force of it. But inevitably you put one foot in front the other and move forward . Or you sit back and watch life pass you by. The bottom line is it's all about your ATTITUDE.
So once more, how do I feel about turning 60? I am content. I am happy. AND, so very grateful because I am STILL here. I get to live. And each day that I do is filled with all kinds of possibility. I am stronger, wiser and secure in the knowledge that the people in my life, now, are there for the long haul. I no longer need the popularity of youth nor have the longings of middle age for status. I am free from the trappings of possessions that I once thought I absolutely had to have. In fact, I am on the journey of disentangling myself from things and acquiring and imparting spiritual wisdom and love. For in the long run, love is the only thing I will be taking with me ; the only thing which will remain in the hearts and minds of those who remember and love me. That will be my immortality.
I am richer for all my experiences and more confident than I have ever been. I no longer feel the need to prove anything to anyone. I KNOW who I am and I happen to like who I am as well. And when I look in the mirror, though my looks tell the story of a woman growing older, diminishing, my eyes reflect the spirit of the warrior within and the power of a lifetime of knowledge. And THAT is something I wouldn't trade for anything!
So bring it on! Because whatever comes next, reminds me I am STILL alive and that is a pretty damn good thing!
